Description
From The Ankyrean Archives
Contents |
Overview
Your description is the wall of text random people will be hit with when they use 'look at <your name>'. They're commonly used to provide others with an accurate description of one's appearance. In the interests of encouraging good descriptions in Aetolia, we here at the Ankyrean Archives have put together the following document. In it you will find everything you need to write the kind of description that causes Omei to cream Herself and the Hatecrew to swoon.
TL;DR version
You should include...
- Physical traits.
- Hair, eye and skin colour.
- Missing limbs, tattoos or other notable features.
You shouldn't include...
- Excessive clothing or clothing that you aren't actually wearing.
- Actions.
- Expression.
- Actions that you force upon another character.
- Really, really stupid similes.
Do...
...make full use of proofreading.
- Nothing ruins immersion like a 'skin stretched taught' to the eyes.
...ask for a second opinion.
- All writing is improved by having someone other than yourself go over it and point out the horrible mistakes you birthed when you wrote it. If you don't actually have anyone you can show it to and live in a small box under a bridge, the 'Critique My Description' thread (thoughtfully linked at the bottom of this article) is a good place to ask for help.
...keep it simple.
- This is apparently a very difficult thing for a lot of people to do. In short, use your words with care - rather than waxing eloquent on the virtues of your left fingernail, keep your description short, concise and to the point. Nobody wants or needs to read a full page on the way your hair shines in the sun.
Do not...
...assume you are a unique snowflake.
- Unless you are a Tekal, or privy to super special RP with a God, your character is a bog-standard bum like the rest of Sapience. Your eyes should not be neon orange with black spirals, your wings should not be made entirely of feta cheese, and for God's sake you don't have abs like a literal mountain range. When you're writing your description, keep this very firmly in mind, and try to keep a grip on your, uh... 'creativity'.
- Come to think of it, the above is a nice euphemism for fapping to mudsex.
...gaze lustily at the reader, especially when you are asleep.
- Your description is a static block of text that can be accessed by anyone who can see you. This means that when you are legless, armless, blind, transfixed, afflicted out the arse and on fire, you should not be drawing the reader into the depths of your abyssal orbs while smiling mysteriously.
- While we're on the subject...
...forget that an eye is an eye.
- Not an orb. Not a gleaming sphere. It's a motherfucking eye and what you are doing to the thesaurus is referred to as molesting it.
...force the reader to perform actions. This is rape.
- As with #2, remember that your description is only a description. You should never, ever describe actions, feelings or thoughts on the part of the viewer, and if your RP allows you to do so you should rethink it before somebody takes your dark, hypnotic gaze and shoves it up your bum.
- Let me paint you an example: say, in your description, you stated that your character holds my attention with their powerful eyes. I am unable to break away from your captivating gaze, etc. etc. Think about this from my end...
H:3000 M:3000 E:15000 [eb] LOOK AT ANFINI He is a stupid Mhun and holds your attention with his powerful eyes. You are unable to break away from his captivating gaze. He is completely naked. H:3000 M:3000 E:15000 [eb] LOOK AT ANFINI He is a stupid Mhun and holds your attention with his powerful eyes. You are unable to break away from his captivating gaze. He is completely naked. H:3000 M:3000 E:15000 [eb] LOOK AT ANFINI He is a stupid Mhun and holds your attention with his powerful eyes. You are unable to break away from his captivating gaze. He is completely naked. H:3000 M:3000 E:15000 [eb]
- Your description can get you killed. Don't believe me? Ask Ansem.
...play a Horkval and describe yourself as a Rajamalan.
- While racial RP is flexible, choosing a race for the perks and describing yourself as something completely different is straight-up horrible. A Horkval is not a milk-pale maiden with flowing golden tresses however you interpret the canon, and if they are described as such they will be bombarded with jeering laughter and clever rhetoric involving their mother.
Examples of how not to do it
Following are examples of how you should NOT describe your character.
She is a tiger-like Rajamala vampire and is rather small for her race being short and more slender than most Rajamalans. The thick fur that covers her body is the pale green color of mint frosting. Her jade green eyes peer out with a playful sparkle from her small muzzle. Her face is kittenish with a soft pink nose. Her body is toned and athletic. A silver hoop through her left ear catches your eye as it shines in contrast to the unnatural color of her coat. Her little round cat's ears flick and twist to catch each new sound. When she opens her mouth, you can see that her wide, pink tongue is pierced with a black pearl stud. Her graceful movements remind you of a mountain lion and you get the impression that she is barely tame. Beneath her navel is a surprise that is visible when she chooses to go without pants. He is a winged Atavian and is startling to first sight for most. his eyes are ablaze as he flexes his ink colored wings far, a single feather hits the ground and instantly turns white. His eyes flame nipping his hair but not burning it. Stark black horns protrude from his fore head. His dark black hair drops around his shoulders. Long black claws come from his fists. his skin is slightly tinted and the white of his eyes are black and cold. deep scars on his back describe his past life. He is an undead frog-like Grook and is as an epitome of youth's mischef. Twinkling jade eyes grin at you, framed by dark kohl. His skin is a rich olive colour, the result of his romping in Ulangi. Thick sable-black hair falls to his shoulders, held back by a leather tie. A shock of silver and blue streaks through it, a legacy of his dappling in necromancy. His lips are curved into a cynical, mysterious grin, the charm of the world resting within. The thirteen point star of the Indorani glows upon his forehead with something that can only be described as 'anti-light'. As your eyes search him, they find two peciluar things; one, the pointer finger of his right hand seems to be missing, the stub of it is badly damaged as if chewed off. And two; two dark red scars accentuate his throat, tattooed under them, you see, is one word; 'Liena'. He leans casually against a wall and meets your eyes, stray locks falling from them. You fall into the well of green, until harsh laughter brings you back. He is a winged Atavian and is 7 Feet tall. His long black hair trails down his head like a stream trails down a mountain. His Blue eyes stand out against his pale white skin as if they were jumping at you. His red lips mend against his long black goatie trails down his neck. Just when his goatie ends his hard chest abruptly starts. His chest roars down his body like lions while his abs points out like mountains. His large legs signal just how strong he is. He is an lizard-like Xoran vampire and is Shut up Nightshadow.
