Law of Unnecessary Words
From The Ankyrean Archives
| —The Law of Unnecessary Words |
| —Moirean's Corollary |
Unnecessary words, or, as select personages term it, superfluous, sesquipedalian loquaciousness, is the noble and inestimably purposeful discipline of purple prose. It is employed, utilized, applied, and quite simply desecrated by those inadequate bastions of obtuseness that hold the religiously zealous understanding that the point of interactive theatre is not communication, but a choice means of fabricating an aristocracy meant to exclude the crass lowest common denominator. Most commonly undertaken by the manic depressives and harlots of interactive theatre in general, it is also a favorite tool of the rapscallion unit of interactive theatre mavericks, who often use it to inspire their victims to outright despair.
An In-Depth Theoretical Analysis, As Considered From A Neosociopathic Point In The Cynic's View
- Utilize your thesaurus and rape it of its considerable dignity and virtue. Done properly, you ought to have contracted an inordinate number of literary sexually transmitted diseases (or STDs by the proletarians).
- You ought to have ten lines of literature once you are finished writing a section of emotive prose, at least half of it consisting of polysyllabic words exceeding the minimally accepted size of trisyllabic (or three syllables). Most people grossly and severely underestimate the importance of this length, for it elevates you consistently and irreproachably beyond the ranks of the mere bodice-ripper "mole"players. To be a true aficionado of interactive theatre, you must drag everything out, insofar as that's possible - and in most cases, it is, indeed possible. Take, by way of our humble example, the Arabic numerals 0 and 1. There is an infinity between the two, infinitely divisible, infinitely explorable, infinitely exploitable. Now that you are imagining this realm, by all means, replace our amiable numerals with any two terms of your choice. No matter what you may think, there is always space to be used, always space to be filled. To disagree is to openly embrace closeminded legibility.
- Anyone who insists that you use smaller words shall be put to death, shot, quartered, keelhauled, tortured into utter insanity, shot once more, anally violated with an automatic saw, hung by the neck until dead, retired, and disintegrated into minute particles. They are complete imbeciles.
- Assuming normal external conditions and a functioning keyboard, a given harlot of the interactive theatre will always use ten times as many words as he actually requires to fulfill the purposes of the task at hand. There is nothing at all the matter with this.
- Proletarians who insist on remaining in the menial, monotonous marsh of the monosyllabic are like indigenous insects - spiteful creatures with stings to be mercilessly crushed underfoot.
